To be perfectly honest...nothing. I'm ashamed of what I haven't done. I'm ashamed of what I have lost and what I have gained. I lost serious focus friends. I lost the kind of focus that changes a persons life. I lost focus in a way that I thought I would never lose focus again.
See I thought I had changed my life. I thought that after 14 months of intense life changing rehabilitation that inside I wasn't really a fat person anymore. I was wrong. I still have those cravings and I still subconsciously struggle with getting up every morning and making an active choice to NOT be Lazy.
Its so easy to allow your self a little slack in your routine. If you aren't very careful that slack will gain more and more of your rope until your slack is on the wrong end and your days are spent thinking of how much pie you can eat and how to make excuses to avoid running 10k in 28 degrees F.
I made those Excuses...Lots of them. I've been slacking for 3 full months. But I really let it go in the last month and a half. I convinced myself that it was pointless to watch my intake over the holiday and in turn there really wasn't a reason to keep exercising as it was just a a waste since I was going to eat badly. Last year I went through the holiday and ate and exercised and I think I gained 1 lb. the only reason that happened is because I kept exercising and I was aware of my eating. I lost my focus and stopped caring.
I realized that I can't do that. I have told 100's of people this was a lifestyle change for me. This wasn't a diet. I let that slip away for a moment. I realize the mistakes I've made. I realize what I have gained and lost and I want back what I had 3 months ago.
So its confession time.
I started slacking after my race. I managed to maintain no more then a 5lbs gain and the last time I weighed in was mid November. I haven't exercised consistently in well over 6 weeks.
Yesterday I weighed in and I had gained 15 lbs. You aren't perfect and the daily struggle is forever. Never forget how you got there and how hard it was to get where you are.
Its not worth it!
